younger is better

we are supposed to "be as little children" because they are so innocent and carefree. so why is it so weird that i like to hang out with the youth...that's what i'm supposed to be doing. they help me be carefree and myself and not uptight and old. if we want to be healthy and strong spirited, we need to look up to the youth. sure, we need to be examples, but we can still have fun doing it.

tea and sympathy

with lupus it gets frustrating when other people don't understand the pain that comes along with it. sure i can try to describe it, but until someone has experienced the constant pains that occur, they cannot fully understand. it's more wearisome when they goad you about not doing things because of it. i wouldn't wish it upon them to have to feel it, but if only they could know how it is, it would make it a little easier to live with. it's hard enough to not be able to do things sometimes without others making you feel worse about it. i'm just saying, try to be sympathetic to others ailments. i've definitely learned not to judge those who may have to park in the handicapped lot, yet seem to young or well to be there. sure, there are those that shouldn't, but we never know. not that I'm one of those, but we just never know what's going on in someone's body. ok, just had to let all that out.

bumper sticker

thanks for the comment on the last post, julina. it reminded me to post a bumper sticker i saw today. it said:

dear God,
why do you allow so much violence in the schools?/

dear concerned student,
i'm not allowed in schools.

my incesant list of to dos

i took an ambien, which evidentally doesn't work on double doses of vicodin too well, and i'm just laying in bed not sleeping. i think it's because i can't stop thinking of all the things i have to do very soon, yet don't have the motivation for. so i figured maybe if i write it down where others can, probably won't, but can read it, i might have more drive to get them done. here goes:

1. sew kyra's easter dress
2. make reservations for italy
3. get yard landscaped
4. restart veggie garden...once i can evict all the rabbits in there
   
5. finish tileing bathroom
6. paint kitchen
7. organize whole house
8. scrapbooks
9. get in shape

this is just a portion of the list that is eating my brain away. maybe if i start with this much, i'll have the umph to do more. any words of inspiration would be greatly appreciated.

what kind of world is this?

what has this world come to? no toothpaste or lip gloss on the plane, but they would let my husband take scissors on even after he told them he had them, instead of fire drills being the major interruption during school our kids are having lock down drills, and now you go to a high school dance concert and see a cop at every door. it's supposed to make up feel safer, but instead it makes me realize how unsafe our communities have become. i even brought up considering private schools for the girls at our anniversary dinner tonight. it's scary just to think of sending our kids to school now days. if i had any amount of confidence that homeschooling would work in our home and situation, i'd do it in a second. all we can do is pray and have faith.

pleasers vs. pleasees

i'm a people pleaser...although i do more than my fair share of displeasing people. in other words, i have a tendency to feel guilty if i don't please. but for those who are the pleasees and the guiltdrivers, i think they are forcing more burden on themselves than the pleasers because they waste the extra energy on manipulating and pushing guilt onto others. i'm talking in particular about those who feel their needs should be met or understood without actually telling you their true feelings. we are not mindreaders and should not feel guilty for not apologizing for something we didn't even know happened or didn't happen. if we want someone to know our feelings, we need to actually speak them. all we can go on is what someone tells us. if someone is offended and doesn't actually vocalize it, just acts it, we should not stress about what we could have possibly done wrong. i've learned since being married to my husband, although i'm not fully able to do it, that if someone is going to falsely tell me they're fine, even though their voice tells me otherwise, to go on as if it is fine...since that is what they told me. so next time you feel bad about something and you want someone to feel sorry for it or change it, come out and tell them how you feel...it's the best way to fix things.

some like it fake

is it better to be fake because it seems real or real because it seems fake? when you look at a picture or a flower, do you say "wow that looks real" or "it looks fake"? if a flower looks too perfect we may think it looks fake or real, depending on our view. i suppose it depends on our attitude. if fake looks better to us, we'll see a flawless flower as seeming fake, whereas if we like realism more, we'd probably think it looked real. i think it's funny that when people get plastic surgery to fix flaws and look more "real" it makes them look "fake". the more perfect we try to become on the outside, the more ridiculous we look, so start focusing on improving the inside and becoming more real personality wise.

the pains of fame

i often realize what a pain it would be to be a celebrity. the constant paparazzi stalking, infidelity, everything you do or say becomes a controversy, not to mention the lies and assumptions made by the tabloids. i've been feeling quite bloated the last few days and have an even deeper sympathy for those in the spotlight. if they even have a little bloating from gas or pms, they are dubbed "pregnant" or "showing off their baby bump". i personally know what it's like to have (many) people ask me if i'm pregnant when i'm not...but at least they ask before spreading the news abroad the earth. thankfully, those that know me know that a bump...or many bumps...on me is normal and not to assume. so count your many blessings you're not famous because you can live life and not be judged for it.

the 'hole' dilemma

this year is the year that shayla will be allowed to decide if she wants to get her ears pierced. she keeps going back and forth on this decision. i don't mind what she decides but justin's trying to lure her towards not getting it done. my mom never got her's pierced and has said, as have others i know, "if god wanted us to have holes in our ears, he would have put them there." i guess we could use this argument in many other things then. if he wanted us to have our curly hair straightened or our straight hair curled, he would have done that. or if he wanted our nails painted, same thing. we have no problem with all these other things, so why do some feel so strong about the ear piercing? it guess it's because it's permanent, but i'm all for it.

wanted: motivation

i'm really in need of some major motivation right now. i'm so frustrated with the mess in my house, the unfinished tile job in the bathroom, the heap of dirty laundry, the baskets of folded clean laundry, the pending bills and all the projects that i have on my to do list...but i don't have enough motivation or energy to do anything about it. maybe it's just that i don't know where to start or, even more likely, it's just that we have way too much junk and it makes it overwhelming. i through stuff away as i walk through all the time, but evidentally not enough. even my pest control guy told me we need more room after trying to spray my house. i think i keep hoping it will just take care of itself, but have come to the unfortunate conclusion that's not going to happen. each time we walk through a model home, i think "i'm going to get my house looking like this"...but then reality clicks in. we do still have to live here. kyra's been coming in my room asking to see my bugs under my bed...not that i've ever seen any, but still...that's just sad. any motivation anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated and gladly accepted.

poor choice of ads

when i've watched shows about babies on tlc, all the commercials are for baby products. or when my kids are watching their channels, the commercials are for toys and kids' entertainment. so why, when i'm watching 'new detectives' or 'fbi files' about murder cases, instead of commercials about security systems or detective services, are there a bunch of life insurance commercials? are they trying to encourage motive for more murders so they have material to work with?

junk in the trunk...or the drawer

so i decided to clean out my top drawer of my nightstand. whoa. this is what i found (keep in mind my top drawer is not very big)

• 1 jolly rancher wrapper
• empty vicodin bottle
• voter registration card
• blood pressure cuff
• 3 remote controls to who knows which dvd players
• notebook
• broken reading light
• back portion of candy bar wrapper
• kyra's immunization records
• unused tissues
• instructions for toning bands
• a note from shayla that says "brooke i [love, with a heart] u vre much
• 2 university hospital patient cards from the u of u (from 1997)
• a little book titled "hugs for my sister"
• an old atm card from our credit union in california (lived there 8 1/2 years ago)
• a mother's day poem from shayla from kindergarten
• a mother's day card from shayla with a gift certificate to a movie with her from 2005
• a get well card from shayla
• 'the guardian' by nicholas sparks
• 2 cough drops stuck to the bottom of the drawer
• playing cards
• copy of my sister's patriarchal blessing (who knows why i have that)
• old achievement days booklet
• almost empty sheet of gas relief pills with 2 pills left
• digital thermometer instructions (since those are SO hard to figure out)
• temporary gap card from oct 2001
• aaa card (expired in mar 2002)
• hallmark gold crown card
• 2 mci cards (haven't used since 2000)
• book 'you know you're a mother when...'
• iams puppy food club card (my dog's almost 11)
• hollywood card from utah (moved 11 1/2 years ago)
• member card to the resort at green valley in st. george (last renewed in 1995)
• pacific bell calling card (california phone company)
• 6 business cards from different businesses in california
  
• t.g.i. fridays frequent friday's card
• sunnyvale (california) public library card
• 2 prescription cards from lockheed martin (justin's job in ca)
• baby on the way preferred client card (1999-went there once...i wasn't a preferred client)
• san jose public library card
• blockbuster rewards card
• cigna insurance card (again...california)
• mci calling guide
• franklin planner fillers from 2001
• basal digital thermometer
• 2 highlighters
• 8 pencils
• 12 pens
• 1 broken pencil tip
• 1 extra pen lid
• 1 penny
• 1 cashew
• red ribbon

my confused brain

i still haven't figured out why i end up staying up til 2 or 3 am when i can barely keep my eyes open other than that my brain is so not in sync with my body. my motivation only happens at night, but my body has to be running all day. the same thing happens when i'm having a conversation though. what i hear doesn't usually register in my brain until it's too late. by then i've pulled my most famous faux pas of putting my great big size 11 feet in my mouth. have you ever asked someone how things are going and they reply with "my mom's really sick right now" only for you to answer "that's good"? i have. my brain needs to be tweaked or something because not only does it take too long to hear things, it moves on before hearing them. i'll ask questions in a conversation and interrupt with a totally different subject before i've heard the full answer, afraid that i'll forget what i just thought of...although i should not have been thinking of anything else at all. so, in advance...or afterthought...i apologize to all who i so rudely converse with. it's not my fault...honest:)

the threads of each day

when i'm going through my life i sometimes forget to look deeper at each of the threads that hold it together. i decided to start my own personal blog to make myself more aware of the little things that make up each day to hopefully make me more grateful for all that i have and find more joy in my life. so welcome to my world and all the little threads in it...especially the snags along the way.