i haven't blogged for a long time. not sure if that's cuz i've had no thoughts or just that none of them are worth blogging. i have noticed lately that it seems like the people that i associate with at church or other places are all alike in that they are not the type to just go talk to those they don't know. but since we're all like that, nobody ends up talking and then thinking the others are just snots. it would be so nice if people are not going to initiate a conversation or friendship, if they could recognize that they are not the only person struggling with being an introvert. the thought of how many more friendships could be formed if people were more in tune with others feelings instead of how it's effecting themselves. so go out and talk to someone you don't know.

i'm right here

kyra and shayla have both always loved to play hide and seek with us around the house. but at kyra's age they think they're supposed to tell us where they are while they're hiding. i realized the other night while playing that when we're not playing the game and they're hiding from us (in their mind we're playing), i tell them to answer me when i'm calling them. so how, when they're playing whether i know we are or not, can i expect them to tell me where they are sometimes and not other times? so, for now, we'll just let kyra tell us where she is.

a guest at your own funeral

do you ever wish you knew what people think of you but, what can you do...ask them? awkward. sometimes i wish i could visit my own funeral in the future and see what people had to say about me. i would hope most of it would be good and i guess your funeral wouldn't be the best place to hear the most honest opinions.

christmas slopping?

why is christmas so stressful? it's because we are straining to think of gifts to get for our loved ones and fighting the crowds to get them. but what do you do when you have those that have everything? you shop and shop until you see something they don't have. i realized that all too often i go christmas shopping and just buy things people may not use, although they seem cool, just because i'm supposed to get them something. turns out to be a big waste of time and money when the act of giving should be a symbol of our love and thoughts for that person. my goal next year is to put a lot of thought and time into christmas gifts all throughout the year so in the end my gifts are meaningful and personal.

excuse last post

k, so my last post was written while under the influence of ambien, so please excuse the disturbance of it. justin thought i was psycho when he saw it. it's crazy the effect that drug can have on a person. my counselor has the same sleep issues as me and so he has to take ambien regularly too. he said that his wife had to take the keys away from him because he went out and drove on it one nite...not such a good thing. i can't even remember how i got from the kitchen to the bedroom after taking it, i can't imagine what would happen if i drove. so, if you ever take ambien, take it while you're in bed already and don't get back up.

dead ends

i am suddenly very interested on the course through
which our extremeties fall asleep to the point of numbness and then the pain involved in trying to reawaken them. i'm curious to the best processes to go about doing so with the least amount of discomfort involved. of course, being in my present state of being under the influence of ambien, doesn't help wake those areas up much, as i just had to crawl with my laptop out of my bedroom because my foot does not currently function. quite the site indeed. i plan to study more about this anomaly, as i see it, and will report my findings here at a later time. hopefully, i'll remember my plan to do so when i wake up. any help in this area would be very welcome and appreciated.

missing links

you dream of the day when your kids are all off to school so you can pursue more things such as cleaning, school, etc. but when that day gets here, all you can do is think about how much you miss your kids and hope they're doing ok. so at the end of the day, your kids did much better than you emotionally and probably got more done. i need to get to my list of things i want to get done and just start checking them off.